Goblin - Issue 4 "We Looked Like Giants"

     The summer before my first year at college, I wanted to experience it all. I hadn't gotten drunk or gotten laid, and after graduation from high school, I was feeling quite rebellious. Determination took over me to get my before-college needs out of the way. I wrote this in inspiration to the song We Looked Like Giants by Death Cab For Cutie. It's about the complex feelings of sex; car sex. At the time, I was an avid believer in sex before marriage. Sex is one of the easiest things to do, but at the same time it's so hard. *no pun intended* So it came to the last week before I left, and I had already gotten drunk. Basically running down the home-stretch trying to accomplish my goals. This my be the one I love the most.

---

     The cold, the dark, the silence. Goblin was usually asleep by now, midnight was never a popular time for hi. Sleep had become a foreign passerby that walked on and on, away from Goblin. White was gone, taken by the holy hand of the King himself. All the butterflies added up to this one sum of nothingness. This moment, in the cursed midnight, was worse than any cockroach.

     Sitting on a branch of Goblin's treehouse, he conversed with Loneliness. Once enemies, but now pals, Goblin and Loneliness talked for hours. It was tonight that Loneliness wanted to bestow Goblin with a terrible gift. Loneliness jumped from the branch and disappeared into the forest, only to come back with one person Goblin would never imagine to come: Smiles. Smiles was a beautiful creature that was so loose on what she wanted, red lipstick wherever she went. Smiles approached  the treehouse and Loneliness seemed to disappear within the confusion.

What're you doing here smiles?

Oh just looking for a bit of fun.

Goblin's hands were sweating profusely. It was so easy... Would it be better than a butterfly?

     Before Goblin knew what was happening, they were inside his treehouse. There's a moment in every similar situation when a yes-or-no decision is made, a decision made for the amazing event that everyone fantasizes about. The one moment of touch and feel that exhilarates the body with waves of love, at least that's what I've been told. The decision was yes, and the two were soon intimately learning how each other's bodies worked. Swimming in the bed sheets, Goblin wondered what led him to this moment. He wondered why the hell he would disrespect himself like this, and all that came to mind was White... and the unfair King.

     An embarrassing hour went by and the two lay to wonder about the surprising climax of their relationship, hoping the other would start the conversation. As easy as it seems to have a conversation, it's not easy talking right after the combined feeling of release and regret.

So do you want to come by tomorrow? STUPID

Smiles answered the question by leaving, and that was it.

     That was it, except that Smiles had taken a part of Goblin with her, a chunk out of his inner skin. It wasn't a noticeable scar, but, if you looked really hard, you could see the damage. That part of Goblin is gone, just like White, just like Violet. It was all gone for Goblin. He didn't know how important it was to him until it wasn't his anymore. Smiles owns that chunk of Goblin.

     A pool of thoughts flooded Goblin's mind without filter. Anger emptiness regret relief and loneliness. So much loneliness. Violet was gone. White was gone. Loneliness came back to sit beside Goblin on his midnight branch. There were no butterflies in sight. A terrible end to a wonderful summer in the forest of butterflies that contained no butterflies.

Goddamn the foul temptations

We looked like giants

Up until the regretful sensations

Trapped in the confused adolescence

---

      In the story, I blame everything on my loneliness from White, but in reality, it's my own damn fault. Of course everyone as a teenager fantasizes about sex. That one time between two people that just feels so great, though no one talks about the aftermath of sex. As young adults in college, 'hooking up' seems to be the new thing to do. Everyone tells you that's how to appreciate college to the fullest, but not a single person will tell you how the awkward feelings flood you afterwards. Personally, I hate the feeling. To this day, 6 months later, I still feel awful about it. That part of my life is gone. My first was with someone I didn't even care about. My first as with someone that didn't even care about me. Yeah of course it was fun, but passionate? Not at all. Sex is supposed to be a bond between two people in the most intimate way. A way to show true physical love, so why would you waste that on someone that won't be in your life for the long run? 

     So many questions arise: what will my future wife think, what will the girl's future husband think of me, and what if someone did this to my future wife? Sometimes we are so caught up in the moment that we forget what's in store for us later. Like if I had just waited to experience that with my wife, maybe it would have been a better experience. Maybe it wouldn't have been so awkward. Maybe I would've enjoyed it more. I won't ever know because I gave that part of my life up. Waiting is a sign of true love and patience. Patience is key. Key to everything we do.